Dear Megat
I do not know how "your cat is well' ended with 'your cat has 4 months to live." It began and ended with those 7 words in a space of 3 days. I would not know how I would take it if the doc had said those words to me - "You have 4 months to live." What would I have done?
But this letter is for you. I do not know who had got it wrong for you. What were all those reviews for, all those days and months? It may be all of our faults for not looking at you enough or caring for you enough or for being too trusting that all will go well. Then again it may be none of our faults. It may be on of those things that life throws at you when you think you are looking. Life is strange that way Megat.
Do I keep a calendar and count down for 4 months or less and cross the dates out day after day? Do I get you chemotherapy and hope that you have a longer life. Is that selfish of me to wish you a longer life? I do not know. But know this - that I will do what it takes to give you what I think is best and I have to trust that it is the best that I can do.
This blog is more for me than for you. I think you should know that. I am better at writing down things. I will want to keep a record of what happens to you so I would remember things and maybe some way down the road, I would be able to figure out all this for myself.
I am sorry.
3 comments:
Life so often goes in directions we never expected. I left for my nephew's wedding in England on December 30th, thinking I had a cat who had an eye infection. On January 2nd, Sen-Chan was dead. But his spirit will be with me always, and so will Megat's with you. In the meantime, you will love him and care for him and he will know it.
We would like to go on this journey with you, and offer what comfort we may.
#1 and the Poupounette Gang
san, it's wrong to expect you to be strong. the shock is still there but i want to believe Megat has many more months to live and that 4 months is just an estimate. the vets are not god so they can never predict Megat life span, i truly believe and feel Megat will be with you for more than '4 months'. do not fret and do not worry; pray for the best and let Megat heal.
Sometimes there are unexpected curve balls in life. And no matter what, we just cannot rationalise it.
I understand how you feel when you learnt of Megat's condition. If I were you, I will try all I can and can afford to give Megat the required medical treatment to put him back on his feet. But I also know that sometimes medical treatment cannot really help much when the illness is at an advanced stage.
Both the Wife and myself have made this pact that if any of our cats are suffering in pain during treatment with a low chance of recovery, we will bring it home for its last days. And if it should still be in pain, then we will help it along the way with medical help. We just do not want it to suffer unnecessarily. Calling it a day for it will of course be a heart wrenching decision but something which has to be done no matter what.
I find that sharing your anguish and anxiety and decision making process with someone who loves Megat just as much, helps greatly. It forces you to think more rationally (assuming one of you can still be rational and logical at that time of crisis), to think more for Megat than yourself.
I understand your regular vet is leaving. If distance is not a problem for you, you may wish to get a second opinion as well. A fully equipped practice will be vital. Those I know of will be Companion (@ Balestier; it is also my regular vet) and the practice at Whitley Rd (no experience with them).
All the best to Megat and yourself.
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